Half-assed, dude.

Dear World,

Hi, it's me again. It's been a while, as usual; nothing's wrong with that. But today, I have a problem. Well, not necessarily today, it's ben going on a while, but today I'd like to talk about it. I'm worried, World. For some reason, the enthusiasm I had for school a month ago has disappeared; upright vanished. I noticed mainly today because I got the lowest test score I've gotten in college, sans nursing school (which is another matter, you were guaranteed to fail a test or two in nursing). And it made me sad, not because the material was simple, because I did so bad on the test that I went from an A- to a C+, and I've lost all chances at an A. Even if I perfect everything else here on out, I can only max out at a B+, due to the weight of the test. Last week should have been a sign, when I got a B on my AJ 101 exam, but I figured that it was a tad hard. Nevertheless, I'm worried. A month ago, I would sneak in a reading of a chapter here and there, I took notes, I paid full attention to class and read everything I needed. Now, however, I find myself taking the same shortcuts that "got me by" in high school, and I don't want to be doing that.

You see, in 2 weeks I will be applying to CSU Fresno. Now, while my grades in general are outstanding (withholding my now C in AJ 111, I still have straight As), it's the habit I fear. But I can't find the motivation, I can't find the urge. Maybe it's all too easy. Some may say I'm stupid, cause I can throw around 22 credits like it's nothing, that I'm foolish and just leading myself on. But that's far from true, as I have the numbers to back it up, for the most part. However, the lack of true challenge has some what disappeared: I've figured out how tests are done, I figured out how to pull off quizzes and weekly posts without reading every word, memorizing every little detail, and I hate that. To me, that's not true knowledge. It's indeed a very good tactic, but in the long run, does me no good, as the 30 minute retention of knowledge will get me, well, no where passed 30 minutes.

So, World, that's my life. I don't update much, I know, but I'll keep trying! Hopefully the next time I write to you again, I'll be doing much better in classes, and actually know what in the world I'm doing in each. Until then, until then.

- Stephen.